It seemed pretty odd to me about three weeks ago. Sometimes silently walking away from arguments can be difficult especially when you know you may be right. In fact being the bigger person in issues, the one who ideally takes the first step to seek reconciliation isn’t just as easy.
I had reached the point whereby I seemed to be having my fill of negative feedback especially in the form of arguments and all I wanted to do was to shut down in solitude. So what then was the problem you’ll ask. Well, I got quite a run down from someone I considered to be a friend and at the end of the day I walked away feeling very humiliated and downcast. You know those days when, you seem to be flushed and weighed down with everything that your ability to communicate verbally turns out to be all wrong, so that when the words come pouring out of your mouth it’s as if you are venting your frustration in the wrong direction but instead of the listener to take a step back and say, “No this is so unlike you, what could be the reason for your verbal attack?” they don’t but instead lash back at you in more hurtful words than one. This indeed was my situation.

I had completed a write-up as a hobby for an old friend who seemed to be going through a rough patch. Upon completion, out of obligation, the person had made extra efforts to keep their own side of the bargain. It turned out that their platform for compensation wasn’t quite favorable to me although I completely appreciated the effort. All I kept thinking of when I was notified, was my predicament and the fact that at that point in time I was so exhausted and weighed down that it didn’t seem convenient having to go the extra mile just to process this payment so I lashed out at this old friend on the choice of platform and it turned into a rain of verbal abuses and insults from the person.

To say the truth, I was a bit shocked but knew I had caused it. The person was going through some challenges and didn’t need any extra burden from me but because I was exhausted, I kept thinking at that minute of only my predicament and the fact that I had to make additional effort just to get paid. At the end of the day, I guess my choice of words simply triggered the other persons impatience and anger that although I made efforts to make amends, it was a bit too late. The abuses and run down was so humiliating, that I had to walk away quietly.
Years of friendship was out the door in a split second.

I guess we all at some point in our lives have experienced such intense argument sometimes when apologizing would meet a brick wall and all your efforts at reconciliation would prove to be futile. For me I couldn’t quite understand the rain of insults that emanated in my direction, the hurtful words and eventual humiliation I felt at the end. The only logical thing to do was to walk away and to hope that the other person’s anger would ward off and they would be able to accept me as a friend once more. However, this person in question had basically stated the need for me to stay away from them and I needed to accept their request rather than keep accepting their rain of insults. In fact, writing this post has somewhat been my hardest. I just couldn’t seem to finish it. I kept leaving it halfway undone and coming back to it.

My conclusion may seem somewhat absurd but apart from wanting to hear your views on how best deal with this situation, I guess a conclusion may not be necessary in this context so I’ll just round up this post the best way I can and probably hope for the best.

One thing I do know for sure is that any friendship that doesn’t allow you be yourself, any friendship that doesn’t allow you speak your mind and pour out your frustrations without getting any form of animosity isn’t a healthy friendship. Friends argue and I suppose a person should be able to tell the other one where it’s hurting them the most. Any friendship that makes you always agree with what the other person is saying isn’t ideal.

Do you agree? Can you identify with me on this?