It’s quite a funny post that came to mind today.
You see one question I keep asking is why some young marriages these days tend to fold up immediately. Sometimes you hear some very peculiar reasons but the majority I keep hearing is the money factor. The same way I noted earlier that there are many dimensions to relationships, this particular dimension is one that deeply intrigues me. It’s a dimension that I’ve on some occasions had cause to discuss and there seems somewhat to be no relevant conclusion.
It stems from a school of thought which is so profound back here in our society, and backed by the scriptures in the book of Genesis. This school of thought clearly states that it is a man’s responsibility to provide for his home.

Now on many occasions, for a young mature lady, longing to venture into the world is all that seems to be inherent in her mind, and marriage is most times viewed as her safest option. In the case of the younger man who wishes to be married, he has seen a little bit of life before making this decision especially in terms of paying his bills and keeping afloat with his savings. In doing so he’s become accustomed to such bills as; rent, feeding, electricity, water, garbage, back-up power, gas, miscellaneous expenses, capital intensive furnishing, and the like.
However, the young lady in this context, has not been exposed to any of these extensive budgets. Yes, she may earn a salary, but many times has lived within the confines of her parents’ home (taking the Nigerian society to be exact). Her salary is clearly hers and if at all its shared, it’s on many occasions shared with her dependents, if there are any.
So these two eventually get married and not too long into the marriage, when the young father starts complaining about all his consistent and irregular bills, it’s difficult for the young mother to understand because she hasn’t been exposed to such a life in the past.

Living in a society like ours can generally be capital intensive because of the absence of many of the leasing platforms available abroad. Any adult who ventures into life does so clearly as the sole provider. It is not an easy decision and keeping at it can be daunting sometimes. There are days when you’re basically screaming because of the number of bills that are stemming your way. It takes the grace of God and I must applaud the men because sometimes until the table is turned around, you can never understand from their perspective.

As a result, I tend to disagree that because man has been told in the book of Genesis that cursed will be the ground for his sake it turns around to mean that he is proclaimed to be the sole provider for the home. I tend to view it in the reverse way, from the outcome of his action. Such that it says and I quote from Genesis 3v17 “cursed is the ground for thy sake; in toil shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life”; and in verse 19 “in the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground”. From a closer look at it, it’s quite obvious that the passage here has been taken out of context. The verses in question which form this school of thought are actually referring to the result of man’s action in trying to obtain success from his toil on the earth. It in no way refers to his purpose on the earth.

In the same way, a closer look into the scriptures at Proverbs 31v10-31 speaks about a virtuous woman. In Proverbs 31v13-15, it says “She seeketh wool and flax, And worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchant-ships; She bringeth her bread from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, And giveth food to her household, And their task to her maidens”; the woman here is stated as a major provider for her home. She is seen as the one keeping the finances; making investments and apportioning daily rations for the household. As far, as the man is concerned, he is blessed to have such a wife.

Thus, this prevailing school of thought which forms the basis of so much disruption to marriages back here is one that should be viewed intricately by taking all sides into account.
I believe that if younger ladies are exposed on many occasions to the harsh realities of life associated with living in our society, it would be a lot easier for them to identify on many occasions with the men.

Take for instance, the fact that marriage is on many occasions viewed as a young lady’s safest option to the freedom she clearly craves. This particular mindset has put so much undue prestige on marriage that many a young lady tends to feel incomplete if walking down the aisle isn’t within her easiest reach.
Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that marriage isn’t important, all I’m saying is that most times self actualization before marriage tends to produce a healthier couple because they both come from an understanding that it takes two to tango and the marriage at the end of the day becomes a joint effort rather than a more singular effort.