So how did the wicked one try to veer me off the track and end my life using the hallucinations I experienced as a yardstick? By suicidal thoughts.

The medication I was given, wasn’t dealing with the issue I was experiencing due to lack of awareness and medical advancement in our society. I actually needed to see a neurological doctor but at the time this issue occurred such doctors were quite few in the country and extremely expensive which I got to realize much later.
As result of this imprecise medication, I was most times experiencing a relapse of the amnesia and hallucinations.

I remember vividly how the suicidal thoughts started. I didn’t know I was gradually slipping into a relapse. It is very difficult for a person with amnesia to know when they are starting to forget. I recollect sitting on the floor near the bathroom and gulping down a cup of garri which I mixed with toilet cleaner. Note that I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, because I was hallucinating. The fact that I’m alive to tell this tale today is the grace and mercy of God because I got up from that floor unharmed.

On a second occasion (this time much older), at the university, I gulped down several of my sedatives. These sedatives were sleeping pills and were very strong. If I had slept off I would not have woken up. But God being so merciful, used his powerful unseen hands to yank me off my bed and flung me to the door with such a force, that I started screaming in my hostel. Sounds strange? but true because my God is alive. Immediately my hotel mates rushed to my room and asked what had happened. Do you know that I was devoid of sleep for that entire day until the medicine I took had completely left my system.

On the third instance, unknown to me that I was experiencing amnesia again, I left my house at midnight and went for a walk, my mum and dad were in panic looking everywhere for me. Just when they were losing hope of finding me, God led back me home. How? by ensuring I could remember just a little bit to find my way home.

These are just three instances, the other two instances don’t really matter right now because I’ve have made the point I want to share which is that “God is able to keep that which you have entrusted into his hands until that great day (#even your life). Had it been that I had not entrusted my life into his hands at a tender age, probably the wicked one might have had his way on me a long time ago. You see, that’s the deceit of the devil, to always let one to think that there is always time to do so later.

This life is full of ups and downs which is something I came to realize at an early age. Most of my age mates didn’t go through half of what I did, but whom am I to question my Maker? As the saying goes, all fingers are not equal and the path of each man/woman in this life is different.

So I put this question back to you, who are you to question your Maker? to ask in your trials, what is this you have permitted in my life? Your trial may be burdensome and difficult but only him knows the purpose for which he has allowed it. Quit comparing your situation with others as this would only lead to jealousy and envy. Trust God in your situation and when you have gone through your trials, you will come up where he has destined you to be.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, if only you keep moving, trusting him and choosing to take those steps one day at a time.

Take care and God Bless…