Now this was a tough heading that came to mind. Unlike days when I write before thinking about a heading, it was the reverse case today.

It turned out to be one of those days when I found myself wondering why many respond to certain occurrences that life throws their way, the way they do. However, before I go on, I would like to put out a little disclaimer. Now I know that I’m not a relationship expert, so please see this post as strictly me in deep thought.

That being said, I would like you all to imagine three different circumstances;
A lady clueless of the reason why at a certain age she’s all alone in the world.
A young man wondering when his breakthrough would come and having to settle for less and;
A married lady who feels such emptiness and void.

Let me start with the first.

To this lady, she views life from the perspective of disappointment and alienation. She wonders why the men that come along aren’t coming forward but are rather standing at a distance and looking her way. She questions if there’s something wrong with her behavior but unknown to her it’s the reverse case. She stands out from the crowd and her boldness causes them to reconsider coming forward.
Is she expected to change and become the who she’s not?

She questions out loud her frustrations unknown to her that she’s much admired in her sphere of life. Why? because, she has a mind of her own and knows what she wants from life. She’s not afraid of many of the things that some others find to be quite daunting. She’s a go getter. “If only they knew”, she tells herself everyday as she looks on, “If only they knew that I won’t bite, that underneath the surface looks can actually be deceiving”.
Sadly, she trods on, waiting, watching, hoping. She longs for her counterpart to be as bold as she is. To have the nerve to walk forward and say hi – that one word that would break the ice. Which unknown to him, is just a front, a wall from exposing herself to the harsh uncertainties of life.

Now for the second circumstance.
Why do many guys settle for less if I may ask? So many times they want “A” but rather see themselves through eyes of a distorted mirror and settle for “B”.

Many times a lady may come off to them as being a tough nut to crack. It could be as a result of her intelligence, behavior, homeliness, mannerisms, speech, and the list goes on. Unknown to her that some of her male counterparts actually value these qualities but most times feel that they do not have what it takes OR measure up to be with her. Could this be as a result of their poor finances, employment class, speech, age, looks, etc?.
So what happens? these guys eventually settle for less. They choose based on the who they are at the moment quite unknown to them that the lady they think is a tough nut to crack may actually be accommodating if only they could boldly step forward.
Of course, its a vicious circle because when eventually they become the who they never thought they could be, back in the day, dissatisfaction sets in.

Likewise some to-be married ladies, on many occasions they choose based on sentiments, he’s altogether, he’s rich, he’s handsome, take a look at the car he drives, his pocket and the list goes on. Unknown to them that these things do not quantify the measure of a real man. At the end of the day, they find out that such things can never give happiness, joy, support. In the end, they feel a void and emptiness and wonder where exactly they missed it.

So my question, are these real circumstances? Or are they just a figment of my imagination? Yes, I understand that there are several dimensions to relationships but in spite of these, the three scenarios above seem to be interconnected.
Is it right for the lady in the first scenario to change and become the who she’s not by taking the first step? Should she be faulted for not being expressive and open? OR should she base her happiness on the fact that she’s not involved with someone?

In the case of the guy, he’s stance to accept less than what he wants says a lot in a certain kind of way. He’s trapped himself and made long term decisions based on his seemingly temporary situation. Would it have hurt to have at least tried? or to have been patient?

Finally the last lady, as time goes on she starts realizing that she was hasty, such qualities could never replace the friendship, support or peace that seem to be missing in her life now that she’s married.

It still beats me, why many choose to quantify their happiness using these yardsticks.