Rather than continue to magnify the different issues and scenarios I went through, thereby defeating this story’s purpose, I’ll go on to discuss my learning points.  

You see sometimes, we go through stuff that we don’t understand. I for one never understood where I had gone wrong. With time, I started to realize that the abuse and rejection turned me into a person I never expected to be, as I excelled in specific activities such as culinary skills, being organized, neat, very disciplined, and doing things to perfection.

I guess my turning point in everything that occurred was being able to break free from their control. This in itself is the most important thing when one finds themselves in situations of abuse or rejection – Breaking free. 

I know that saying this may be difficult for a select few in similar situations depending on the prevailing circumstance but to say the truth, it is the best option you’ve got. The reason is that breaking free helps your mindset and removes you from an environment of negativity and toxicity. The worst thing you can do to yourself as an individual is pushing yourself to a point where you begin to contemplate suicide or hurting yourself. No individual deserves to exert that much power or control on you. 

For me, if I had been able to break free at an earlier age, it would have put in check a lot of the anger I turned inwards. Instead, I realized that there were days in my choice to break free that I took a step forward and two steps backward. I would break free only to run back to them much later. This to any onlooker may have triggered them to yell at me – “What exactly are you doing to yourself?”. 

One thing you need to realize is that breaking free is usually the toughest decision to be made by any abused individual because in many ways they’ve become susceptible to a life of rejection, such that it has affected their psyche and caused them to inwardly reject themselves. You can confirm this is true by looking closely at some of such relationships that exist. Most times, the abused individual will wait until they’re forcefully kicked out of the relationship by those inflicting such harm if this ever occurs. This shouldn’t be so. Rather, they should have been able to recognize the toxic relationship immediately. 

So what then can one do to help such individuals? Be patient especially if they have initiated the process and seem to be taking one step forward and two steps backward. In my case, my eyes became clear the day I was thrown out and that of course triggered me to realize that I meant nothing to my family. The reason is that the decision to be thrown out came from my dad but my mum and siblings never intervened on my behalf. Instead, I noticed that the day I left, and started becoming someone true to myself, they came back to take it all away. They preferred me to be locked up for good in a hospital but it turned out that the situation was not conducive so they had no choice but to insist on my discharge. Their attitude made me cringe and to realize that I needed to take absolute care of myself.

Maybe someday I will find the courage to share in detail everything that transpired but right now, I just want to forget and live my life to the fullest. Nevertheless, the day I walked away turned out to be my greatest turning point. Why? because I became free from their grip of control. The toxicity of their relationship was of no good to me as I required an environment of peace to think clearly and settle into becoming me. 

Secondly, I noticed that their controlling attitude caused me to thrive for approval and validation from others and this in itself was draining. The abuse had left a mark on me and this was my constant need for validation. It was tough to get by when the validation was absent as I would find myself cringing in fear. Self-acceptance comes in here as a solution  OR looking for someone to unburden and open up to. The person should be one with whom you feel very comfortable and who is not judgemental in their attitude to you. This is because opening up to anyone reprimanding you while you unburden would only cause you to further turn your anger inwards and see yourself as the cause of your rejection. Hence, it is imperative that you choose carefully someone you believe that has the wisdom to walk you through the different stages you experienced in your trauma.

Thirdly, Parents, please you need to understand that not every child, reacts well over time to sibling rivalry. I know some of you, may view it as a characteristic ingredient of family relationships but take it from me it’s not the best.  Some children are more appreciative of peaceful relationships that foster unity. Many children would give anything to have siblings with whom they share bonds of unity as such environments help their overall well-being. Sadly many parents tend to overlook this area. 

Siblings who love and respect each other become more mature in their thinking and overall view of life. I guess the onus is on us to limit exposing our children to arguments that occur between ourselves and our spouses. Children copy what they see their parents do. When a child grows up in a home where parents hardly argued in the open, it becomes strange for them to imitate. Please, I urge you parents, to try as much as possible to argue less with your spouses in the open but more in private and to always give the same front to your children in issues concerning them. If a child knows that what mummy says daddy will do to him/her is what will happen or vice versa (because they are united), it causes them to appreciate the love that exists between their parents and to apply that same attitude in the way they treat their siblings. Your home will become one of peace and resolving little arguments between siblings much easier. 

For my last point, another action that would be of help is forgiving. I found myself forgiving and letting go of incidents that transpired all because I needed to feel lighter on the inside and because it was the best thing to do. Even though those meting out the abuse never changed in their attitude/actions nor apologized for the trauma they inflicted on me.  

I look back now and see that the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places as God has turned my years of mourning into days of joy and peace. How? I’m much more successful in life than any of my siblings and I excel in all the areas I previously stated above. It’s not in my nature to brag, so I won’t be able to list the nitty gritty details but all you need to know is that the rejected stone did become the head of the corner in so, so many ways.

Over time, the anger, I directed inwards started to dissipate, as I began to see things from a much clearer perspective. The fact that I had a God that loved me and he had surrounded me with clusters of people that equally cared. Just knowing that I was loved and accepted by him and others helped me relax and gave me the courage to keep trodding on. 

The End.