So I guess it’s time to share the incidence that left me puzzled for the rest of my youth.

I had just finished secondary school and my results for Jamb had come out. I had failed to meet the cut off mark for my catchment area. This brings me back to the earlier post I had made about a naturally brilliant child being made to attend a school that lacked some basic facilities. Anyhow, the outcome had eventually showed up and there was no turning back the hands of time.

My dad had insisted on proving a point to me and which was the fact that I would not be accepted at the University of my choice because of my failure to meet the cut off mark. So he sent me to the Benin to meet my elder sister at the University and instructed her to take me to see one of his friends that was a Dean at the University. Of course, he did prove his point because when we arrived there, the Dean buttressed to me that my failure to meet the Jamb cut off mark had ruined my chances of being accepted into the University.

That night something very strange happened to me whilst I slept at my sister’s hostel. I recall being pressed and having painful rod – like feelings being pressed into my skull. I wept inside in pain then slept on.
This was the last thing I remember. Little did I know what was in store for me because upon my arrival back in Lagos I began to experience amnesia – a partial or total loss of memory.
Why you ask? no one could tell. It was so bad that I completely forgot who I was, where I was and the people I knew. Instead I was acting in a hallucinatory state.

Just talking about it alone brings back the memory and tears to my eyes. My family was confused. They locked me up for days at home, trying to figure out why the medication from their private doctor was not yielding any results until a family friend came to see me and asked them to take me to one of the specialists hospitals in Lagos.
I was admitted and heavily sedated for weeks in this hospital.
Eventually, I begun to recollect who I was and where I was. It totally saddens me to disclose exactly what the diagnosis was from the doctors. More so, because I refuse to accept it and I believe that confessions do matter a lot and I don’t want to be regarded as such. But it did happen and was termed by the doctors as a Neurological disorder occasioned by amnesia and hallucinations.

The sedatives they gave me were so strong and the side effect was a serious longing for food. I put on so much weight whilst on admission. From a size 8, I instantaneously became a size 12 but what I hated the most was being locked up at the hospital and not being allowed to come and go as I pleased. I was upset with my folks for locking me up because I hated the stigma (in my little mind) of being termed as someone with a Neurological disorder and all associations that involved going to this specialist hospital.

I was discharged eventually after over one month of being on admission. Had I done anything wrong? Please note that this question is entirely different from asking why me? I was at a place where I needed to understand if I had offended my Maker and what exactly I could do to remedy the situation. But it wasn’t a place of complaint or murmur. The difference being that murmuring makes you give up on the one you trust but lamenting makes you petition him.

Anyhow I had to adjust to the new trial I had come to bear which was rather unpleasant for me because of all the medication (sedatives) I was given and the constant longing for more and more food.
So how did I overcome this I hear you ask? I didn’t but bore it with the strength the Lord gave me. Little did I know what was in store and the fact that this was going to be a rather long journey.

Upon my arrival at home, one thing that was utmost in my mind was to put my weight in check lest I become obese.
Oh! I sought the Lord about this for a while, requesting for his strength to be able to lose weight. Eventually, he showed up and gradually made me put my weight in check by reducing the number of times I ate. Of course I understood that this was not my doing because the many times I had tried to do this in my strength it amounted to nothing but immediately I brought the Lord into the picture, success was the outcome.

Apart from this area, the medication made me sleep a lot. It also had the tendency to make me lull. I didn’t need this because I was already an introvert, so this medication in my opinion made me more withdrawn than I should have been. But there was nothing I could do. I had to keep pressing and moving on irrespective of how I felt.

The medication also slowed me down and weighed me down a lot because when asked to enroll for the next Jamb seating, I refused and said I wasn’t ready to take it. I just felt defeated. Rather, I informed my folks that I wanted to work until the next session. Little did I know that this would be a breakthrough for me and toughen me for the years ahead.

So for those of you going through one trial or the other out there, sometimes you think your trial is worse until you hear another person’s story. Always keep in mind that only God has the power to keep that which you have entrusted into his hands until that great day (#even your life) and none can snatch you out of his hands. Always, always have this at the back of your mind.
Oh! the wicked one tried on several occasions to end my life using the hallucinations I experienced as a yardstick to veer me off the right track but for the mercies of God. How? you will get to find out in subsequent posts.

Please be comforted in whatever trials you may be going through in this life, your Maker alone understands the reason and purpose for your life on this earth. See your trials as there to be make you stronger. The bible confirms that our light afflictions which are but for moment are working in us a far more exceeding weight of glory – (2 Corinthians 4v17). You may not understand the picture right now, but overtime you will.